How do you know if you're surrendering?
Hey mama-bear,
On my fertility journey, I wanted more than ANYTHING to surrender.
I wanted more than anything to let go and give my suffering to a higher power. But I didn’t know how to wrap my head around the concept. I didn’t know how to trust it.
So, once I learned more about what it REALLY is and eventually embodied it…. I knew that I had to break it down and make surrender simple for you.
Hint: It’s not that complicated!
In this week’s podcast, I coach a client on what it really means to surrender.
How do you do it?
What does it feel like?
How do you know if you’re really doing it?
I needed to share this conversation with you because this client embodied the energy of surrender in our call. In fact, a few other women said the energy in her words made them tear up. It’s almost as if surrender is contagious ✨ which is why you gotta listen to the magic inside of this conversation!
Xo Spenser
Listen to the full episode:
full episode transcript:
Welcome to the Fertile Ground podcast with Spenser Brassard. The only podcast that teaches you how to get your mind and body on board so you can get your baby on board. And now here's your host, mind-body fertility expert and certified Life Coach, Spenser Brassard.
Welcome to your daily dose of inspiration, excitement, and relief on your fertility journey and in your life, at least that's my intention for you, you know, for you to end this podcast and for you to go, oh, okay, I feel lighter, right, I feel more relieved. I don't feel so hard on myself. So today's podcast topic is a hot topic on the fertility journey.
We're chatting about surrender, and this is another coaching call question about what is surrender really? How do you know when you're doing it? And how do you know if you're complicating it more than you need to. When you're on the journey alone without support, you sometimes feel like you're doing things blindly, right. You're just grasping at straws, like, okay, I'll try this, but how do I know if it's working or if I'm actually really doing it. This is exactly why it's so important to have a coach and a community or some kind of a guide on your fertility journey, because you may be making huge progress in your life, but you don't even give yourself time to acknowledge yourself or celebrate. And that's what you're going to see in this coaching call. And in my opinion, if you're not able to validate your progress and in feeling better on your fertility journey and in your life, then what's the fucking point, right? It's like the progress didn't even happen if you don't see it for yourself and we can be stuck on that loop for years, waiting for the pregnancy test to prove it, instead of just taking it for ourselves.
So I want you to notice, you know, how she was questioning herself. She didn't know if what she was seeing and feeling was enough. So notice how I coach her through this hot topic of surrender.
You're also going to get a glimpse into the actual essence of surrender. And I mean, everyone was feeling it on the call and I know a few women have even noticed how they got emotional listening to it. And you can actually feel energy between, you know, each woman inside of this, inside of our programs and even in a zoom calls, which is just incredible. And I know you'll feel it here today as you listen. So I think that that glimpse into the essence of surrender is going to be incredibly helpful. All right, here it is.
Client: Maybe it's not so much resistance. I was kind of, um, like unpacking things today. I went for a walk to just kind of clear my head
Spenser: The best place, right?
Client: Yes. Yes. And, um, I think mainly just like, I, you know, I always had just such negative. When I, the word surrender brought up very negative, um, thoughts in my head now, you know, that wasn't, you know, that wasn't a positive word that I use. So that kind of, um, module really, like it really stopped me in my tracks. Um, Because, you know, surrender was always give up, um, you know, lose, like, those were the words when I thought of surrender, like that always came to mind and, you know, you talk about just acceptance and like, I just really tried to like, take that on and really see how it felt. And I think I'm getting better with it. And then, you know, talking about like asking the universe and just being open. And I think like I was asking, but not being open to signs and that, and so today I really started thinking and I was like, okay, so a month ago when we decided to do, you know, the transfer, which is now in two weeks, um, you know, it's coming up really fast. Um, so it was like, I asked for signs and, and then I was like, you know, when I made the questions, like in my head, I don't, I don't have any signs. So, you know, I must be not be doing something right. I'm not surrendering or, or, you know, whatnot, but when I really started to think about it today, I was like, I think I actually have had signs, I just haven't... I think I've just been kind of plowing through and not really like opening my eyes to them. Um, You know, and, and I don't think that they, like you were talking about, like, they're not screaming at us. Like these things don't come, you know, screaming at us. They're quiet. And, you know, I asked for, you know, if this could go smoothly, um, and not that my other ones haven't, but it's always been like shifting around work schedules, then switching with people and then having to tell them why I'm switching them. Like, I always felt like I needed to give people explanations about things. Um, but this time I haven't had to switch a single thing. Um, everything has always fallen on my day off or a day that I can come in late and I'm not disturbing like workflow and
Spenser: Amazing!
Client: Yeah. Like, and I think that's a huge sign but I just kind of, you know, I wasn't looking at that. Like, I don't know what I was expecting. Like, I dunno, like the message in the clouds or something like that.
Spenser: That's exactly it we expect fireworks, right? Yeah. Like a unicorn to come like walking by our house. And set us up for failure when we have that insanely high expectation of what it's like to connect with the universe and to feel supported so that we can let go and trust and honestly be open. So something that really stuck out to me from what you were saying is I've asked for signs, but I'm not open. And my intuition and my gut instinct is saying, I think surrender for you is open. Being open. So my coach actually said that to me once and I was at a retreat, it was an in-person retreat and I walked outside and I walked around and I saw. Like, this is how it comes to you. Okay. Like a sign. I saw like an old sign that said open, like a storefront that said open. Right. Which we see every day. But my spirit had registered, oh my God, like how wild is that? So what is open? You said I've asked for signs, but I'm not open. So you know what not open is, if that's not open? And that's the thing. If you're wanting to get to know what something means, that's kind of seems a little precarious then I want you to learn what it isn't first. Right. And I think that really helps us to get to know the energy of something.
Client: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Um, I think open is like, I. It's not being so much in my head, not being so analytical and expecting these big, huge, you know, gigantic gestures from, you know, the universe, but just being quiet and just being kind of more, um, like inner perspective a little bit, just, you know, like today I just went for a walk and there was nobody on the trail and it was quiet and I could, I, you know, I just.
Spenser: You could be.
Client: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you know, one of the shots that I have to take, it gives me a horrible, horrible headache every single time. And this time when I did it, I got no headache. Like, there's just been so many signs. I honestly thought that something was wrong. And that's another thing, like I just keep thinking something's wrong, waiting for the show to drop.
Spenser: Have you done the worthy module, the magic module? So we actually have it programmed within us that when things start to feel right, we get scared; when things start to feel good, we pull back. And so if we leaned in, but if we, well, you're not because you're still seeing things you just got home from that walk. Yeah. I'm assuming, right?
Client: Yes. Yes.
Spenser: You're in it. So feel what it's like to be in it and embody it. I mean, you're sensing it, it's there. And surrender is the energy to be in no matter what the outcome is of this next transfer.
Client: Yeah.
Spenser: Right. So, because it feels good and that's enough because it helps you to feel connected.
Client: Yeah.
Spenser: Cause it helps you to feel yourself. So open is not being in my head open is being quiet and taking an inner perspective. What else is open?
Client: I've been really trying to, you know, ride the wave and not force my emotions. And you know, if I'm sad, if I'm scared, like just feeling it, um, yeah. It's okay. Like, I've always just tried to, like, I can't think anything negative. I can't, you know, but what's wrong with being like, that's what I would say. What's wrong with being scared, like that's what I keep tellingmyself. It's okay to be scared sometimes.
Spenser: Exactly. What a beautiful message to give to your child.
Client: Yeah, like I just find that the feeling passes then, like, I don't, it doesn't mean, you know...
Spenser: When we don't control our emotions they leave much faster.
Client: Oh yeah, for sure. And I'm finding that. And you know, when I was always trying to force my way into feeling something, that feeling was still there and it stuck around for days and weeks
Spenser: In the background, totally.
Client: Yeah. And it didn't go away, you know? And, um, like I wasn't, I wasn't planning on sharing this, but I guess it's kind of going that way. Um, so after my first miscarriage that I had, I started seeing Cardinals everywhere in my yard and my neighbor's yard. When I went on walks, when I drove my car and still I see them, um, this next embryo that we're transferring, I know is a girl.
Spenser: Um, so cute and exciting!
Client: She already has a name. I don't know why I know that she has a name. She, I just know that she has a name and that hasn't happened with any of our other ones and like my husband and I can never agree on something. And I don't know what made me think of this name. It's it's a very different name. Um, But I threw it out and I don't even know why I threw it out to him one day and he just is like, I like that. That's it like, that's a good name. And, um, I've seen this name now pop up in weird places, um, for the last like two weeks. And just random places. Like I walked by this like courtyard in the hospital a hundred times. And what made me turn and look at this sign? Um, last week, I'm not sure, but the name is just blaring, like bright, like right there. And, um, and the last couple of weeks, everything that I like, when I do see a Cardinal they've been females, like everything has been. And so I'm like, I do have siegns. I just never,
Spenser: You don't validate, you don't validate, right. Yeah. I remember our very first coaching call. It was like, there just needs to be validation and compassion for self, right?
Client: Yeah. Yeah.
Spenser: So what you need from me is validation that you are in surrender because everything you're saying, everything I feel from you, and I'm assuming what everyone else feels from you in this call is although you're going through something vulnerable. There is lightness. There is love. There is truth. So whenever you're wondering, what is surrender, change the word to open. Because you came up with a bunch of different meanings for what is, right? Surrender is not being in my head, surrender is being quiet and taking it into perspective. Surrender is not being scared of my emotions, surrender is riding the wave of how I feel.
Client: Yeah.
Spenser: Surrender is seeing magical birds. Surrender is being able to validate myself. Right. So I want to know, how can you begin to give yourself validation for what you're seeing, feeling and experiencing? What's the thought that makes you think, that makes you discredit what's going on inside of you?
Client: I think it's like a disbelief that I'm just, you know, kind of like what you were talking about. Like I'm always just kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, like, like, like with every good thing that happens, like something negative has to happen. Like there has to be this, you know, I can't just like, look at that and think, okay, like all these are just, I asked for signs and I got 'em and then there's something in me that's like, oh, that can't be a sign, you know?
Spenser: Right. Here's the perspective of the other shoe to drop. It will, but you'll know how to move through it because you have the tools. Like we could say, well, no, it's not going to, but like, we need the other shoe to drop in order to walk and move forward. We can't just hop on one foot. So let's just accept that eventually it will, even if you get pregnant and have a happy, healthy baby, and your little girl is born and she's in your arms, there will be some other shit that happens. And the other shoe will drop. hat's just life.
Client: Yeah. And I think like this program has given me, like, I've gotten so much more out of this than what I ever could've imagined and I'm not even halfway through. You know, I didn't think of like, at this point, like I would realize that I was, had such an empty cup and I was trying to give from an empty cup, and you can't do that. Like there was, so I was just so dry and empty,
Spenser: But look at you now! You're like a different person since our first call and you're not even halfway through.
Client: No. Like, I, I don't know what, like I was, you know, like you talked about waiting for, I don't know what it was waiting for. Here I am. I'm looking for another job because I realized, you know, what, what empties my cup and I have a job that just drains me physically, mentally, emotionally. Yes. And I never thought in a million years that my job was an issue or a problem, or, you know, so like this has just totally. I guess kind of like spun me around in a 360. Like I thought, like this is not at all. And I'm so thankful because I feel so much better and I'm not even halfway through. And so well,
Spenser: So then you are validating yourself because you're doing it right now.
Client: Right. Maybe I just needed encouragement.
Spenser: Sometimes all we need is validation in order to validate ourselves. You just said, I validated my need to find another job. Yeah. I validated my need to fill my cup first before giving on an empty one.
Client: Yeah. Okay. And I think, yeah, before I, I just always thought, you know, once I had a baby, you know, that'll be the catalyst that I needed to look for another job, but then, you know, I hate getting up at 4:00 AM. Like, why can't I just say that? And why can't I just say, why can't I just say, I hate getting up at 4:00 AM? I'm saying like, why do I need a baby? Like, why do I have to put that on that little soul? Like that's not their responsibility.
Spenser: Exactly. Exactly.
Client: And I can't be a good wife. I can't be a good friend. I can't be a good daughter if I don't have anything in my cup. And, you know, and I think that this program has really just shown me that I don't need permission or circumstance to make those changes. I can do it now. And that's what I needed. And just what a relief that is. And I don't know. It's so crazy. Yeah.
Spenser: Well, you are in surrender.
Client: Yeah. Okay.
Spenser: This is this. This is what it feels like. Validation.
Client: It feels good.
Spenser: You know, and it even feels good when you have negative emotions come in. It still feels good when you're in surrender, meaning surrender isn't just, surrender is not being scared of your emotions. Yeah. Surrender is riding the wave. It's not controlling the sadness, the anger, the, uh, sorrow, the funk, it's riding the wave of the funk or the sadness or the scared, right?So that's it.
Client: Yeah, thank you. I think I needed that because I think I was just getting in my head again and making it more complicated than what it is.
Spenser: This is, that's what this is for though. Right? This is to help you stay consistent. And it's that weekly tune up that we need in life... because we're humans.
Client: Yeah. Right. Yeah. Thank you.
Spenser: You're welcome.
Thanks for tuning in. If you want to fast track your mind-body connection, you can sign up for free fertility mindset trainings at www.spenserbrassard.com.